Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
