Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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