we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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