I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
