It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
