I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
