what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
