I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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