Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I can't put those talents on a resume
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
