and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
