We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
