I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The uberlube is also flammable
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's rum buckets o'clock
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
