Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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