I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
last night I used snow as a chaser
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
