dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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