We won't sleep together?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
