You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
