I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
