Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
