you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
