He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
