Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
