I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Fuck appropriateness.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
