I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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