She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Everything about him screamed your future.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
