OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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