The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
