I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
