you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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