Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I can tuck mytits in my pants
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
