i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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