I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
