I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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