these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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