I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
