I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I believe in your delicious
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
