Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
