thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
