youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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