I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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