I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
