you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
