I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
