so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
