Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
