My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
