We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
