Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
