I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
