wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I need to sanitize my soul.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
