I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
