I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
