Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
