I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
