I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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