I'm gonna have a badass scar
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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