we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
