She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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