do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
