Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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